As I scroll through my social media feeds, I’m met with a barrage of divisive posts, podcasts, and articles that seem to perpetuate the gender wars, from Kevin Samuel’s ghost continuing to whisper to women that they should settle to Sukihana encouraging women to take men for everything they have. It’s exhausting, and as a certified clinical therapist, I can’t help but feel that we’re missing the point.

The impact of social media

The gender wars have intensified in recent years, fueled by online platforms that create echo chambers and amplify harmful voices. Anonymity and, conversely, the promise of virality have given rise to a culture of accountability-free expression, where people feel emboldened to share harmful opinions without consequence. Not to mention the uneducated, untrained, and unlicensed who give life advice to anyone who will “like” or “share.” 

Performative activism has become the norm, and sound clips that sound nice but are void of substance take precedence over genuine understanding and constructive dialogue.

What psychology says

This therapist is over it. My colleagues and I often discuss how dangerous absorbing this information can be and the detriment it causes in real life. Remember, people will advise you to do what they would never do themselves. This is where licensed professionals differ in mirroring back to you while supporting you in coming to your own conclusion.

Misinformation and disinformation spread like wildfire, further polarizing us. We’re more likely to interact with each other through screens than in person, leading to a decline in empathy. Fear and anger are potent motivators, and the gender wars often tap into these emotions, perpetuating a cycle of hostility.

But it’s time to take a step back and recognize that we’re all complex individuals with unique experiences. We need to seek out diverse perspectives, engage in empathetic listening, and foster inclusive communities. Media literacy is crucial in today’s digital age, and we must encourage nuanced conversations that acknowledge the complexity of gender issues.

However, we’re not just men or women, but human beings with multifaceted identities. We deserve to be heard, seen, and understood. By embracing our differences and engaging in dialogue without pretences, we can restore connection. Right now, it’s “us” against “them,” and no one is winning. 

Important questions to consider

So, I ask you: do you want to be loved, or do you want transactional interactions? Do you really know your worth, or are you equating your value to meals, bags, and trinkets when, in reality, you are priceless? 

Sis, we must recognize our inherent value and worth beyond material possessions or superficial validation. This only comes from honoring ourselves internally. 

Brothers, I see you getting to the bag, but are you a protector? Are you disciplined enough to cherish a queen and not be swayed by your urges?  Only in this depth can attunement, respect, and intimacy reside. 

So, how do we win? 

1. Understand that you attract your most healed part in a partner.

2. No one can make you whole but you, and you should be as complete as possible before you engage intimately. You must do the inner work first. 

3. When you are content, find peace with yourself, and find solace in being with yourself (not by yourself), it is then that you are ready to partner. 

No dinner, level of submission, trip, or extravagant show of affection for “the gram” or TikTok will change these truths.

Let’s break free from the shackles of echo chambers and anonymous trolling. We need to engage in constructive conversations that prioritize understanding over being “right.” Let’s recognize that we’re all in this together and that our collective healing and progress are what truly matter.

We need each other. 

Ce Anderson, MS, LPC-S, NCC, is a licensed and nationally certified clinical therapist and trauma recovery expert. She is the author of Love T.A.P.S.: Red Flags of an Abuser, How to Get Out, & The Strong Woman’s Guide to Her Soft Era. For booking and more information, visit her at www.ceandersonlive.com or on Instagram and TikTok.

By Candyce “Ce” Anderson (@ceandersonlive)

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